nothing new in the life and times, just got done with a hockey game real beat, not feeling great, worked like every day this week, got a few sweet shows comin up on the agenda, need to get a piece prepared for my berklee re audtion or ill look like an ass, i need to push more to make sure i do really well at school. i smoke too many cigs and herb these days. i figured id get to this point though. as usual no girls on the agenda, waiting out on a disgustingly hot girl to add me back on the myspace i met her when she came into muh store for whatever.. couldnt even say anything she was that hot. maybe we will hang who knows. going to ashleighs grad party tomorrow. should be fun. i really want to see ashley hull i miss her alot. emily is coming home, i am going to die seeing her again. im pretty content. havent really talked to kt in awhile. even though she could care less and im over it currently. just wish i could savor friendships better. i dont know what to blather about. im going to lollapalooza next week. sick sick sick. i need my paycheck. fuck. i wish i was high currently. im going to bed and listening to the album leaf to sleep. i cant wait to be in boston and experience so much musically. and to start fresh. i want to be in a really great relationship one day. and i see promise in the future. meh

im just looking for a little love reaction as the boss would say

goodnight

time to babble as they would say. fucking all this random stuff thats going on with berklee is just irritating me.. all the random ass forms that need turned in all the stuff that has been apparently required that hasnt been brought to my attention until its immediately due, is pissing me off. im just trying to get it done. anyhow. went to kennywood today first time in a long time with ashleigh and had a great time. i really miss hanging with her, and ashley hull and people i honestly dont see often anymore. im trying to have a decent 4th! i work a little these days i am constantly spending money it seems but i dont mind, im looking forward in every aspect. i need to practice my upright. that hasnt gone so swimmingly. i miss emily, she is coming home soon and im looking forward to that coming back party. i miss good times with my bandmates. i want to write sick music,, and i want to share it with them but they just arent as competent as i once believed. i get real discouraged. as i do in social statuses. hanging with kt has gone down one hundred fold. we barely talk anymore. she seems to really dislike me.. and for what i dont know. i dont understand being perfectly civil with someone and not even being dignified a response. its fucked in my opinion. the numerous girls i thought i might be hanging with these days.. not really happening everyone is too busy. just getting some isnt as worth it as i thought. i really want to make a girl happy and be perfect. i need to start reading up on my music theory again and getting in shape for that placement exam. i need to get in shape physically. my looks have also decreased in my opinion. girls may say otherwise idk. i wish i was skinnier but nothing seems to work. i have horrid eating habits. i started smoking pot. it relaxes me. and i like feeling an actual high that i can control and not worry. i want to hang with ethan, curran and zach more. it never works though. why is there so many things on my mind. regardless its time to start the next step of my life

i graduate. and summer has started. im stoked
i work a bit not too much, im getting healthy
hopefully hanging with kt, if not then hopefully some nice girls asap

music music music
sfx and overseas again
yessssssss

not sure whats going on anymore.. im kinda apathetic about women these days things arent any better or any worse in general. swedish fish might be starting up a little and playing a few shows. overseas still constant and working the shows. im just trying to improve myself

my 18th

:]

nuts day yesterday considering i went from school to durankos to pack up for the show then i set stuff up there left for the jazz ensemble rehearsal did that left early from that even went to the show and played my fucking heart out. i was feeling so sick among all that considering i was puking blood thursday night. my stomach is alright right now who knows though. i saw alot of people i wanted to see (guys from science is dead, all the cbg kids who tend to love my music, KT!!! and many others) it makes me happy that she just came up to me and we kissed like i dunno it feels nice having someone in my corner for once. all her friends dig my music, she loves it. i wish i could magically transport her to boston with me in september. she is so great. time to enjoy the summer very soon and my birthday is next tuesday im stoked. oh well i have a concert tonight for jazz and then im done with that.. whew. no more after school rehearsal and more time for me. overseas has another show thursday at garfield artworks. i just want to hang with ms kt and not worry about anything. oh man. this was longwinded. have a good day all

i'm not and i shouldnt feel bad
but kt and her ex got back together.
i get my hopes up so fast
at least this wasnt too long or anything,

back to square one

woke up yesterday around 10am hung around for a good bit. got mothers day stuff still
went to work 4-9. fucking crazy middle age people buying lame wind chimes and candles for mothers day
aghhh. anyways, went back to durankos. went to fridays. ended up staying up till 230am waiting for kt to text me
i didnt even mind, i went over and just chilled with her and sleepy glum until like 5
first time ive kissed a girl in awhile and it actually felt like it meant something to me
i dont know what to do. im leaving in so many months and i dont want to get into a relationship
where ill bring myself down eventually and her as well. but i dont want to lose her.
we just started hanging and i already feel such an attraction.
she makes me happy. thats all i need
some good music. playing it. listening to it. a nice girl by my side
i left around 5 just drove around thinking about everything went to eat n park got some quick breakfast by my lonesome

happy mothers day
i feel good for once

really odd that my last entry can go from so pissed to this
i had a pretty great day, i had school easy enough
went home for a bit got my paycheck and cashed it.. gotta get on speed for mothers day
after did some of that stuff kt and sarah came and picked me up. i was totally nervous to be around kt even though we talked a good bit previously

just chilled pretty much with her, sarah and her kitty
a few hours that was just really enjoyable. and being around kt just made me quite happy. we talked i think we are going to hang out more

this is a weird feeling of deja vu
who knows what will happen
she is really nice and i hope things go well

i bring my hope up.. just to get crushed usually.
well i havent posted in awhile
i got accepted to berklee
so long washpa
hello boston
graduation is soon. lots of fun to be had. i havent gotten laid since july of last year. nice
i havent felt happy all year
i love all my friends i have now.
this was pointless and i ramble
if you generally have a concern contact me somewhere else not here

i cant seem to stay happy more than two seconds really. ive been bumming out for months now. i dont know even what to do with myself. i wish i could meet a nice girl. i wish hockey was done, i wish i had more money to buy a car and go visit emily in cleveland. i wish i could see my friends more. i wish i could get my college process moving. i wish i could only be as upfront with some as i am with others

i want to go see kill hannah or him more than anything. the strokes? anything.. i havent seen any of my favorite bands in years it seems. i need something to help me sleep at night

i want peace and quiet
i want my hair to be cool. or me to just get dreads

i want so much but i cant make it happen

things continue to be slow im making progress with overseas. things are picking up
i broke up with livy i felt bad but i had to

i get way lonely sometimes but im over it
i miss going to shows
especially seeing kh

bah

well i have a nice girl im dating now. its nice. i havent updated.. not like this matters. i miss alot of people. i dont get to see my friends. all my musical projects seem to be on the downfall. i just need to get into berklee and go to school

i hate high school

i wish i could see my girlfriend more
what the fuck

i just acquired some songs ive never even heard of before and ive checked all lyric sites for the titles.. ive been a diehard fan for awhile now..

someone want to help me out??

ill put a few lyrics from each song here

track 1= all dead . poisoned.  theres no heaven all this world is.. burn it after dusk? for me there between little...

i cant distiguinsh much more

track 2= ... well the vocals are so low i cant even put anything in.. it sounds like a very lo fi recording maybe mat did way back. very reminscent of the 80's stuff that he might have done before kh

track 3= this song is hella dancy

new york cityscape, (in electronic voice repeated)
take the chance take the rhythm boy and die young but make sure we're having fun and they say the year the radio died it was 1985
and we got so fucked up
make out get up and i wont let you down

shut up put out, fucked up dressed up


help me out?

7 traits about myself

1. im quite shy and quiet unless you get to know me.
2. im secretely all about sex and anything to do with it.. but im not real odd like some people i guess
3. i am very odd about planning things.. i usually need to know whats going on like weeks in advance i freak out easily
4. i think way too much, and plan out things instead of going with the flow. im way too meticulous and imagining how perfect something could be when it already is that way
5. i am an amateur when it comes to relationships. ive been getting better but how wouldnt a guy get attached if he was getting some or even feeling like he was confident. so.. attachment is me
6. i eat in odd patterns and my weight doesnt seem to fluxuate but it does .. i go between 140-150 alot and i feel it. but people dont see it
7. i play way too much music.. but thats what i want to do with my life so

i havent updated in a week.. well pretty much i have a job now at a hippie store in the mall by my house. i work barely any hours but thats cool with me. i chill with my friends occasionally. my throat is actually bleeding right now.. i think its part of the atomic wing i had last night at quaker steak..

im getting extremely lonely and bored fast. but sweet i have the fair to work coming up.. god i cant wait to stand in a fucking parking lot directing cars in the sweltering heat.. thats the best

(sarcasm)

im already in desperate need of someone to affect for.. i dont know if i want a relationship or if i just want to be with someone that actually cares about me..

this year was going to be great.. now im reconsidering

i feel like im going insane.. im so extremely upset and angry. i dont know what to do with myself. i have so many things running through my head, i cant take it im questioning everything ive ever thought i knew

me and emily are taking a break

my world is crashing in a very bad way